What Is a Father’s Job Description?

One Saturday morning, a young man came to my home. I’ll never forget him standing sheepishly in the doorway. He told me he had been married for a couple of years and now had two children.  “I don’t know how to do family,” he said. “Could you help me?”

This young man articulated what millions of young men are feeling today—inadequate, fearful, angry, and in desperate need of manhood training and vision.

One of the main reasons many feel fearful is that they lacked good models as they grew up. Their parents split up, their fathers were absent ... And now they are married and can barely grasp their role as a husband before learning they will be a father!

I wrote a book, Stepping Up, to challenge and train men to assume their biblical responsibilities as husband and father. For this article I’ll focus on fatherhood. 

A father has the privilege of imprinting young lives that will carry the torch to the next generation. To be better prepared for this thrilling, frightening responsibility, start by asking, What does it mean for a man to become a father? 

The job description for a father includes the three M’s: manager, minister, and model.

Responsibility #1: Manager

Isn’t it ironic that many men prepare themselves diligently and work hard to become efficient managers on the job, yet hardly give a thought to their role in managing a complicated and important organization like a family? The mother shares many of these managerial duties, but ideally the father should look at the big picture and provide the security that results from responsible and faithful leadership. Here are some components for your new job description as the family manager:

·      Know the strengths and weaknesses of those you supervise: “Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds” (Proverbs 27:23).

·      Exercise self-control, and train those under your authority: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

·      Engage in ongoing enhancement of personal skills and exemplify high character: “With upright heart he shepherded them and guided them with his skillful hand” (Psalm 78:72).

·      Abide by instructions and bylaws contained in the company policy manual (the Bible): “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (Proverbs 24:3-4).

Responsibility #2: Minister

To be a family minister, a dad does not need to prepare and deliver five-point sermons in the family room while wearing a floor-length robe. But he does have the responsibility to oversee the spiritual well-being of those under his care. Another word describing this role is shepherd.

That’s right—a little flock of sheep share your living space, and a good dad will minister to his flock by voluntarily and eagerly caring for their needs. Just as you now should be caring for the needs of your wife, you will bear a new responsibility to care for those of your children.

The “Shepherd’s Psalm” begins with the sentence, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want” (Psalm 23:1). What will your children “want”? They will desire a lot of stuff—everything from the latest computer games to name-brand shoes. But this Psalm actually speaks more to a person’s basic needs. And that’s what God gives you the responsibility to provide—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. By providing them with basic security (a big part of this is loving their mom), you will help them “lie down in green pastures.”

Above all, the family minister-shepherd must bear the weight of transferring God’s truth to his children. Proverbs 4:1-2 tells us, “Hear, O sons, a father's instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching.”

You can take advantage of daily opportunities to equip your children. What you want to teach your children needs to be clear in your mind. Early in the lives of my children, I started carrying around a list that started out as “25 Things I Am Teaching My Kids.” On this page, Barbara and I listed things such as “being faithful in little things,” “becoming a man of character,” and “becoming a woman who has a gentle and quiet spirit.” This list reminded me of what is important beyond my daily tasks. Eventually the list grew to more than 40 items!

Transferring truth includes life-skill training about sex education, morality, and manners. For example, your kids should know what to do in an emergency, such as a fire in the house. Or train them to know how to handle bullies.

Responsibility #3: Model

If “all the world’s a stage,” as Shakespeare wrote, then every dad is always in the spotlight doing a one-man play for an audience that never leaves the theater—the tykes who always watch their daddy and don’t miss a thing.

Every dad is the family role model, whether or not he wants the job. My father played that role well, modeling integrity and honesty for me every day of his life.

A weighty proverb states, “What a man is determines what a man does.” I like a quote by playwright Eugene O’Neill even better: “You do not build a marble tower out of a mixture of mud and manure.” You do well to begin the process of becoming the man your family will someday look up to.

I’m comforted by the fact that a man’s character is shaped by his relationship with God. That’s where my hope lies. God hasn’t given up on me. He’s still squeezing the mud and manure out of my life, building the strong, enduring marble tower instead.

Have you ever run on a relay track team or participated in a relay race at a picnic? Scripture speaks of running a different kind of relay that has God’s eternal truth as its baton. Psalm 78:5-7 talks about God’s works and intentions for all generations:

He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments.

I want to run the father-son/daughter relay to the best of my ability. The dad finishing with his torch still burning brightly, though not necessarily first, will make an impact. And I want to run and give that torch of my love for Christ to my children, instructing them to carry it to the next generation.

All of these responsibilities—manager, minister, and model—last throughout a father’s life. But how you fulfill them does change as your children grow older. Barbara and I talk about this in our new series on “Loving Your Adult Children.” Look for it on our YouTube channel.

Adapted from Starting Your Marriage Right © by Dennis Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson Publishers. Excerpt may not be reproduced without the prior written consent of Thomas Nelson Publishers.