By Dennis Rainey
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 … LIFTOFF! Hey, I just wanted to step in here before you read my latest blog post and let you know that we have LAUNCHED my new video series, “The Call to Courageous Manhood.” If you want to learn and grow in your major responsibilities as a man and really step up, I encourage you to sign up and go through this FREE resource for men. To find out more and sign up go to www.calltocourageousmanhood.com.
This blog post echoes some of the key biblical concepts in this series. I hope you go to the course website to learn more. You’re going to love this series!
Dan is a man’s man. A family man. Venerable. Virtuous. If you met him, you’d like him. But despite an impeccable track record, he almost threw it all away.
He was going through a season in his life when everything was difficult—he felt pressure at the church where he was the pastor, and he felt the unrelenting stress of being a good husband and father.
It all seemed so innocent. He missed his 20th high school reunion, and soon afterward received a note from an old girlfriend who had dumped him just before the prom. She said she missed seeing him at the reunion; he was the one person she was hoping to reconnect with. Dan wrote back and said he would love to reconnect as well, and perhaps they could get together the next time he returned for a visit.
So he set up a lunch meeting for him and his wife, Kathie, to meet with this woman. Notice that Dan included Kathie; he wasn’t a total fool … at least not yet.
When Dan’s old flame walked through the doors of the restaurant, he thought to himself, “She’s better looking now than she was at 17!” Almost involuntarily he said to Kathie, “Wow, would you look at that?” which earned him a sharp elbow in the rib cage.
After a cordial lunch, Kathie left the table for a few minutes, and instantly the conversation turned more personal until she returned. When lunch was over they said their goodbyes and Dan thought, “Well, that was that.”
She hoped for some “closure” in their relationship
After Dan returned home, he received another note from the woman saying she had hoped they could have spent more time together, just the two of them. She had some things she really wanted to talk about, and she wanted some “closure” in their relationship. He wrote back and said he would be speaking at a conference a few hours away that fall (one of our Weekend to Remember marriage getaways, if you can believe it!).
In her reply, she said that, by “coincidence,” she’d be in the same city that very weekend on business, so maybe they could get together. They set a dinner date.
But this time Dan didn’t tell Kathie about it.
Now, Dan is a geologist by training, a very smart man. And he did what men have been doing for centuries: He rationalized his actions. He even thought he could use the rendezvous to tell his old girlfriend about his faith in Christ!
“You are an idiot!”
But in his gut he knew it was wrong, and for several months he felt increasingly guilty. Every time he opened the Bible, no matter what passage he tried to study, all he could hear was God telling him, “You idiot!” Here he was, a pastor at a growing church, the leader of a beautiful family with a wife and three children, a man who spoke around the country on how to have a good marriage. And he was about to put himself in a situation where he could throw it all away in a single compromise.
The only thing that saved Dan from certain shipwreck was an accountability partner, a man he met for breakfast every week to talk about their lives and to challenge each other to walk in obedience to Christ. Dan called him his “sparring partner.”
To Dan’s credit, at one of their breakfasts, he finally told his friend about what was going on. After listening, his sparring partner courageously stepped up and said, “You are an idiot!”
Then he took out his cellphone and said, “You’re going to call this woman right now and cancel that date.”
Dan did exactly that. He told the woman he was happily married and that it was not appropriate for him to continue any sort of relationship or communication with her. He apologized for his improper attitude toward her and asked for forgiveness.
When Dan hung up, a truckload of pressure fell off his shoulders. Then that true and faithful friend said the one thing that Dan didn’t want to hear: “Next, you need to tell Kathie all about this. And if you don’t tell her by Friday, I’m going to tell her.”
Dan did tell Kathie the whole story. Her response was what every man needs from his wife when he admits a weakness or temptation. She said she was disappointed that he didn’t trust her earlier with the story. She admitted that she knew that this woman had deeper intentions than just talking about old times.
Kathie knew that Dan was struggling, but just knowing that his sparring partner was committed to help surface and conquer those struggles gave her security in their marriage relationship. She was proud to be married to someone who was man enough to be accountable to others.
The power of temptation
Dan almost took the bait before he stepped up. That’s what temptation is, you know. It is a “lure” toward sin. Satan is a master angl