My Heart, Ever His

Prayers for Women

As we search for meaning in our world of shallow online relationships and glamorized selfies, many are returning to traditional and liturgical churches. The repeated words, benedictions, and historic hymns connect us to saints who have gone before, giving us a sense of belonging, richness, and transcendence. Written prayers, once cast off as archaic, are now welcomed as guides to tune our hearts to the heart of God.


In My Heart, Ever His Barbara Rainey shares 40 prayers for women. Readers can read and meditate on one prayer throughout the week or read a prayer a day for 40 days as a way to express the longing of our hearts to our Father who loves us even as he sees who we truly are. Like the psalms of David, these prayers are honest, sometimes raw. Barbara uses these transparent expressions of common female experiences to encourage us to surrender to Christ and help us see God as he is, not as we assume him to be.

My Heart, Ever His provides a stepping-stone to help you become more transparent with God and discover his welcoming embrace.

A prayer from My Heart, Ever His:

*This was taken directly out of Chapter 12 of "My Heart, Ever His", published by BethanyHouse.

 

I’m Afraid

During this year our youngest announced her first pregnancy. She loaded apps on her phone for tracking each day’s changes in her growing little one and kept me updated regularly by text. One day as I was about to board a flight her text arrived with fear imbedded. As I took my seat on the plane knowing I would hear nothing for the next two hours I wrote this prayer expressing not just the fear of the present moment but remembering the multiplied fears of my years as mommy to my six.

 

A text

from my child.

 

Something is wrong, mom.

 

Breath catches, heart stops.

I’m terrified.

Thumbs text questions

mind races

imagining, conjuring, fearing

the worst in the unknown.

 

My life, her life, will we be ok?

Will what we know today be no more?

Will another loss be mine, ours, to bear?

 

When my child is late coming home

I fear.

Has he been in a wreck?

It was true of my friend.

Her daughter died.

 

My daughter fears for her unborn babe

knows too many friends who have suffered

miscarriages, trisomy, death

just days after birth.

I fear with her.

 

Dark thoughts stalk

hands shake

faith stutters

my security in today, stolen.

 

Take every thought captive*

is like herding flocks of birds

wildly fluttering in my mind.

Yet He who created the birds of the air

could with a word tame them.

Why not my fears?

 

"when my mind acts without Thee

it spins nothing but deceit and delusion"*

It is true.

You know what tomorrow will bring.

 

I talk to myself, as I wait for more news,

“even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I will fear no evil

For You are with me.”

 

I repeat over and over,

You are with me

You are with me

You are sufficient

You are enough

You are with me.

 

I have been here before, I remind myself.

The way ahead obscured

thick fog heavy all around

eyes, feet, heart unmoored, unsure

I can’t go on I’ve said times without number.

 

Every time,

You have never left me nor abandoned

You have brought me to the other side before.

I know You will strengthen and guide again

even if I feel lost

can’t see evidence of Your presence

with me today.

 

In this moment I choose.

When I am afraid I will trust in you*

I will.

Over and over

I will choose

I will believe.

 

My Father, my Jesus, my Comforter

Thank you for this present darkness

by faith.

You are not surprised, caught off guard as am I.

 

Your plans will not be thwarted,

Your presence with me unchanged.

You always act in good

and You promise to work all for good.

 

Calm my anxious frightened heart.

And when I again let what-if-fears fly

guide me to surrender them and my heart to you

Again and again.

Amen.

 

*Valley of Vision page 46

*Psalm 56:3

 

David wrote, “For God alone, my soul waits in silence; … I shall not be greatly shaken,” (Ps 62: 1,2). I’m so encouraged that David felt shaken with fear like I have. Feeling fear is not wrong but it is a result of our fallenness. Adam and Eve walked with God daily in the garden of Eden in perfect peace, but the Fall ushered in fear. Adam explained to God when asked why he crouched in hiding among the trees, “I heard You and I was afraid … (Genesis 3:10).

 

Fear is a constant companion as we walk through this life. But overwhelmingly woven throughout the Psalms is the promise of His presence that calms, protects, and saves us. Though David was shaken he wrote he was not greatly shaken. There is a difference.

 

Even when facing our greatest enemy, death, we who believe in Christ can know that is not the end. Death will come but it will not win. I have felt like my life would fall apart, my body would never recover, my world would never be the same, but in those moments God was with me as He promised. I called upon Him, depended on Him, waited on Him in silence to do His invisible eternal work.

 

Be comforted for as David also wrote, “for You are with me,” (Psalm 23:4). If you are in Christ He will NEVER leave you no matter how shaken you may be.

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